The alternative Lord's Prayers (Christians look away now)


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4 Jun 2021
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The Busman's Prayer (Anon/Ian Dury?)

Our Father, who art in Hendon
Harrow Road be thy name
Thy Kingston come
Thy Wimbledon in Erith as it is in Hendon.
Give us this day our Berkhampstead
And forgive us our Westminsters
As we forgive those who Westminster against us.
Lead us not into Temple Station
And deliver us from Ealing,
For thine is the Kingston, the Purley and the Crawley,
For Iver and Iver

Crouch End

The Girl's Prayer

Our cash
Which art on plastic
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Cartier watch
Thy Prada bag
In Harrods as it is in Selfridges
Give us each day our Platinum Visa
And forgive us our overdraft
As we forgive those that stop us spending
And lead us not unto market stalls
But deliver us unto Louis Vuitton
For thine is the Gucci
The Dior and the Armani
For Chanel no.5 and eternity


The Boy's Prayer

Our beer
Which cometh in bottles
Hallowed be thy ale
Thy will be drunk
I will be drunk
At home as we are in the pub
Give us each day our daily beverage
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who spillage against us
And lead us not into poofy wine bars
Or detract us from real ale
For mine is the bitter, the totty and the footy
Forever and ever


The Rioters' Prayer

Our Father
Who art in prison
My mum knows not his name
Thy riots come
Read it in the Sun
In Birmingham, as it is in London, give us this day our welfare bread and forgive us our looting as we happily loot those who defend stuff against us
Lead us not into employment, but deliver us from housing, for thine is the telly's, the Burberry's and the Bacardi, forever and ever... Innit!!
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