Online friends vs real life friends

[AllThingsTech]

I'm not justifying anything, I'm telling you not to call me paranoid. I think you actually overthink things quite a lot and are quite nosey about others. Please tone that down a bit.

OK, sorry for offending you. I keep that in mind, as for your feedback on nosiness I feel like I haven’t asked intrusive questions in a while, too? I don’t intend to be nosy either, I’m just trying to make friends

Some questions I’m not up for answering and that’s one of them.

OK, I’ll assume you don’t want to answer a question if you don’t reply to something and I’ll avoid quoting you on it.

 

[Hitcore]

So I have been sending out this sms this morning:



A hard quit on social events. They drain me like almost nothing else. I don't care what people think anymore. If this will cause for them to dislike me, or think I'm weird/boring/bitter, then so be it. In the past I have been trying to explain my limits to some of them but they just don't get it and continue to drag me into their drunken degenerate braindead shit I detest.

 

[Retro]

Sorry to see that, @Hitcore. Would a small get together with 2-4 friends at most for such events work for you? That's what I prefer, or perhaps invited to a friend's family get together at new year where there could be up to 10 people is nice, too.

I have to agree that I wouldn't go to a party where there was lots of drinking and loud / loutish behaviour either, so it looks like you've had a good escape there. All the parties I've been to have been well behaved and safe, even when some larger events have had alcohol.

 

[Hitcore]

I go 1-on-1 from now on. Mayyyybe 2. Very selectively and sparingly.

I'm glad that your circles are more well behaved than mine, @Retro . If there is alcohol on those events that's one thing. It depends on what people do with it. There's a whole world of difference between people calmly enjoying a fine wine or a well crafted beer while having a nice chitchat, or just groups of loudmouths dunking ludicrous amounts of booze down their throats just because. And that's that crowd that I know.

Throughout life, with different people in different places, most of my "friends" have been alkies and/or druggies. What does that say about me? Taking a hard stance to that now. Better late than never, I suppose.

 

[Retro]

Yeah, I wouldn't hang out with people like that and it sounds like at least some of them could be criminals. Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Best to ditch them like you're doing, I say.

 

[Geffers]

Whilst I wouldn't blatantly post personal information about myself I do think in this technical world some do get a wee bit paranoid, and I am not referring to @AllThingsTech 's comment about @Retro -

Many people nowadays shred anything with our name and address on yet this info is readily available via the voters register. People are reluctant to give bank account numbers via internet yet cheques used to have account number, full name and sort code printed on the cheque, cheques are still used, albeit rarely in UK.

Because most people do not understand how computers, technology and encryption works they (we) imagine things are possible which are not. I have en elderly relative, she has no internet access, she had a phone call asking about an amazon account, she asked me if I thought she had been scammed, I enquired if she had given over any bank details, she replied no. She was still convinced she might have been scammed despite my assuring her that she could not have.

 

[Retro]

Man I detest scammers. Look at the stress and worry that they caused this elderly lady even when they weren't able to scam her.

 

[AllThingsTech]

@Geffers I get you about paranoia - my mum thought that someone can hack you through a phone call! And this from a video watched years ago. I told her, no, even if that were the case, that software vulnerability must have been patched by now. I told her, no, you must have misunderstood - they may socially engineer you into revealing info you mustn’t !

As for my comment to @Retro , while I may have my own opinion, I should clarify publicly that I respect the rules and boundaries here, irrespective of whether I agree with them or not So, no undermining intended there

@Hitcore I’m with you there! I also struggle with parties but I do feel safe when I am with a few good friends who I know don’t do drugs or anything silly like that. And I also stay away from druggies as I’m employed full time and don’t wanna get into trouble. I also don’t get friendships that depend on drinking - back at university during freshers’ week, on the first day when all the girls thad a blast getting drunk at parties, they called each other BFFs. Imo that’s an acquaintance, maybe a casual friend at best. 18-19 year olds need a reality check - you don’t make your lifelong besties just after ONE NIGHT OUT

 

[Hitcore]

it sounds like at least some of them could be criminals.

It's a grey area. I wouldn't say that they're involved in anything heavy, there's definitely nothing organized about them. It's in fact the very lack of being organized that makes some of them unruly.
To be fair, I did things too, especially in my teens and in my early twenties. But some guys I know in their forties still routinely have boisterous tendencies in the weekends, with substance abuse and everything. I mean, come on, when does it end?
It's like they never snapped out of it and just do this on auto-pilot and that gives the parties that they throw or attend something uncanny and soulless. Hard to explain that one, but maybe you get the idea.

I also struggle with parties but I do feel safe when I am with a few good friends who I know don’t do drugs or anything silly like that

I also don’t get friendships that depend on drinking -

I'm glad that you hang with what sounds like a sensible crowd. And what you say there about friendship dependency based on drinking, you've hit the bullseye right there.
At some parties I have brought a bunch of 0.0% alcohol beers with me. I do like the taste of beer, I just don't enjoy getting drunk of them. So those alcohol free beers seem like a good solution, right?
But every time I've been bringing them with me, I get called certain things for bringing such drinks, and they encourage me to just go for some real beers.
This is something that alkies do. They bring you down to their degenerate level, so that they're not alone in this.

 

[Ian]

Some interesting thoughts here, so thought I'd add my tuppence-worth.
My definition of friendships has changed over the years, as a shy 20 something I would say I only had 2-3 very close friends, and some acquaintances. Nowadays as an ambivert 56 yo, I have a few very close friends, a wider circle of friends, and an ever wider circle of acquaintances, which I am happy to loosely call "friends". So friends can be to me on any level, from you guys on this forum, through to ex and current partners or others I have known for decades, and then some in between.
I like that several see NZ as a "Safe Place".
I am a heavy drinker but I have been described as a "good" drunk, I get silly, or flirty, or sleepy. I don't push boundaries of sex or violence or intimidating verbal spew.
Most of all, in this context, is this is a great space to vent, and to explore oneself, as long as it doesn't attack others or peddle over extremist views. Including Brexit (of which I know Retro is a fan (NOT!!!!!!!))

 

[Retro]

I like that several see NZ as a "Safe Place".

Thankyou, I reckon that's my biggest success with NZ as it's what really made me want to create it, a place where I wouldn't have to deal with trolls attacking me and then have little Hitler moderators on my back, siding with them when I put them in their places, plus I could offer the same safe, relaxed environment to my members. This is a place where trolls can't thrive.

Including Brexit (of which I know Retro is a fan (NOT!!!!!!!))

Correct.