Online friends vs real life friends

[AllThingsTech]

Do you feel like real life friendships are always more important than online friendships no natter what, or do they both have their place?

I have mixed feelings - while I find it important to have ppl to go out and do fun things with, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the ppl I meet irl are any more valuable than ppl i meet online. Imo closeness is all about vibes and personality m, hut one thing I will say that imo, a forum alone can’t bring about that level of friendship as you can’t truly get to know one another - I for one need to do a video call.

While I enjoy the structured interactions on forums where I can discuss any topic, I feel like I can’t necessarily do so in real life, but I can go out to events. You also never know someone is trustworthy online either, without a video call at the very least!

What about you?

 

[Hitcore]

I voted 'neither' because I literally do not fully feel connected, to anyone, with perhaps one or two exceptions. Though it must be said that it is mostly the people I know IRL that have caused desillusion in me. There are some online people I do relate to a little bit better, based on interests, or world views. But even that I struggle with at times, I must truthfully admit.

I force myself to interact with people. Now this sounds like punishment, of course it's not all that bad, I do enjoy it to some extent, especially if there's room for my quirky sense of humor. But I'm a nutter deep inside. I resent the world at large, and I'm somewhat of a misanthrope. Not everyone sees this, because I do not intend to be a disruptive factor around individuals who mean well with me. Like you guys, for example, I can see that. It would be wrong for me to take out my woes on any of you. The me that you get to see is the filtered me. I am not fully right in the head, and it is hard to press the send button for this one.

But seriously, I wish that I have figured out 25 years ago that I should leave my hometown to live in the middle of nowhere. It would have saved me so much trouble, and pain. There is a reason why being chased by monsters in one form or another is a reoccurring dream for me.

I wish I didn't know what I know about this world. If only you knew how bad things really are. I won't go too deep into that here, I'm making this thread dark enough already as it is, for which I am sorry by the way. But it's causing me to wish that the internet would never have come to existence. Technologically we should have never advanced beyond the 1930s, all things considered.

Often I consider going dark. To go offline, and to cut off even more ties with IRL people. To really live alone. Some people tremble at the idea of being alone. But I love my solitude, my energy is never leeched, my feelings are never hurt. I treat myself well, I entertain myself, but it is peaceful. It is when I am with others that I feel at my loneliest.

This had to come out. I was waiting for the right time and the right place, I guess. This also doesn't mean I'm gone after this post. Far from it. But one day. There are a few things I need to have done first, creatively. To get it out of my system. But even that has become increasingly difficult to produce.

I don't want to spend the last part of my life looking at a screen, or getting my energy drained by the people around me. Those things have happened enough to me to fill several lifetimes. That, and excitement. I've done things you wouldn't believe, or find simply wild. I have had quite enough of that. Call it a retirement of sorts.

Thank you for listening.

 

[Retro]

I am not fully right in the head, and it is hard to press the send button for this one.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time, Hitcore. I think you were pretty brave to post this and am glad we've not seen the last of you here. Whatever's going on with you, I don't think you're "not right in the head", filtered version of you or not, ie you are right in the head. Things are just bothering you greatly and hence interfering with your life, is all.

If you wanna sound off more about these things that are bothering you, feel free to discuss them on NZ, but given how personal they are, they might be better out of the public gaze where even unregistered randos can see them, instead in DM with myself and perhaps include anyone else you feel could lend a sympathetic ear. Totally your call, but we're here for you.

 

[Retro]

@AllThingsTech to help clarify for you, my post above is an example of quoting a tiny piece of a long post, yet replying to the whole post. Much neater to look at and doesn't waste storage space.

 

[Retro]

I voted for both as they're both important and fill different, but overlapping needs and roles. Also, forums are available 24/7 while friends aren't as they've got their own life to lead and rather inconveniently, need sleep, tsk.

 

[Hitcore]

need sleep, tsk

Goodnight Retro, sleep well.
I'll reply later, I need to sleep too.
Thank you.

 

[Retro]

I'll reply later, I need to sleep too.

tsk, so inconsiderate!

 

[Mars]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time, Hitcore............

..........Totally your call, but we're here for you.

Hitcore, I can only second Retro's reply to your post.
I would also like to add, that me too, I do not equate 'alone' with 'loneliness'.
Some folks never feel lonely, period. And they certainly do not feel lonely when they are alone, because when they are alone they are in good company.

 

[Hitcore]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time, Hitcore. (....) Things are just bothering you greatly and hence interfering with your life, is all.

Thank you, Retro. I do appreciate this. But I am afraid that it is more than just a hard time. It's who I am. There is a great deal of internal conflict, between my authentic self and the persona I project. That persona tries to be compatible with people. But the other self... not so much. Due to underlying anxiety and unresolved trauma.

I would also like to add, that me too, I do not equate 'alone' with 'loneliness'.
Some folks never feel lonely, period. And they certainly do not feel lonely when they are alone, because when they are alone they are in good company.

Mars, if I would figure out how to make a living online, I'd never even leave the house, groceries aside. I've even built a fence with barbed wire around my house, to really signal "go away". I realize I'm extreme in this.

My posts in this thread are cathartic confessions, a way for me to externalize my inner turmoil and existential fatigue. It’s both a cry for understanding and a declaration of self-awareness. Ultimately I'm seeking peace.

we're here for you.

Thank you both, Retro and Mars. This does not go by unnoticed. There's maybe a reason why I open up here instead of somewhere else. I realize that this is a public forum, anyone can read this. But that's okay. I feel safe enough here to share such vulnerability. NZ is very niche and I see it as a place where there is a certain calmness. I appreciate how Mars, for example, also shares my views on being alone, and lets me know this to make me feel more at ease. These aspects help. On mainstream social media I would not even share a single percent of the personal things I am sharing here.

I voted for both as they're both important and fill different, but overlapping needs and roles. Also, forums are available 24/7 while friends aren't as they've got their own life to lead and rather inconveniently, need sleep, tsk.

And I just want to say that I completely understand you with this.

 

[Hitcore]

 

[AllThingsTech]

View attachment 2273

You seem like a strong person @Hitcore , and I applaud you for this meme, I love it !

You are right in the head, we’re all different. I hope you’re feeling better now. I’m also glad you find this a safe space, as do I I can’t thank @Retro enough for making this is the pleasant place this is

 

[AllThingsTech]

@Retro @Tiffany @Mars @live627 @Geffers @petermarkley
I’m also curious to understand the value you ppl place on online friends
What does it take to see these ppl as friends rather than strangers/acquaintances? What would you say you value more?

As I believe I mentioned, I think real life friends can’t be replaced as quality time in person is crucial imo. However, online friendships have their place with the convenience.

 

[AllThingsTech]

@Astro What i forgot to mention you as you’re also an active member here

I also wanted to take this opportunity to applaud @Retro for instilling a strong sense of community here by remembering members’ interests and showing this by tagging members he believes will be of interest; I now follow in his footsteps as I feel that fosters a feeling of friendship between us all. Thank you very much for building this community @Retro

 

[Hitcore]

You seem like a strong person @Hitcore , and I applaud you for this meme, I love it !

You are right in the head, we’re all different. I hope you’re feeling better now. I’m also glad you find this a safe space, as do I I can’t thank @Retro enough for making this is the pleasant place this is

Thank you for your kinds words, @AllThingsTech , I try.

 

[Tiffany]

@Hitcore Sometimes reaching out in a safe place can be helpful to unburden the weight you feel at times with life and the world. Expressing feelings in a setting among good people may bring comfort as I've found that words on a page, thoughtfully written by other caring people that might have been in a similar place can have a profound meaning while enhancing your online friendships. Writing is a lost art and forums have a way of bringing people together because it lets us slow down, write our thoughts and others can take the time to let those thoughts soak in, process them and kindly reply in support or at least with something helpful at that moment. Glad you found the Nerdzone community.

@AllThingsTech Real life friendships and online friendships serve similar purposes. I'd challenge most of my real life friends to name ten interesting things about me and I'm sure they would fail. If I asked my online friends the same questions, I would no doubt find that they would be able to list twenty points about me or more with complete ease and that's because we all write with each other about many topics. I'd say real life friendships are good as long as you don't have fair weathered friends or friends that lack providing a balance to a friendship. Online friends are real life people that are not far away from the keyboard that can easily respond to your replies and sometimes much faster then your real life friends reply from your texts.

 

[Geffers]

Online friends or real life friends? They compliment each other in my view, many forums are specific and are for assistance but they may be superseded by AI. Smaller forums like Nerdzone and techsrealm are more personal therefore, and this is merely my opinion, a more friendly association can develop.

Geffers

 

[Retro]

@AllThingsTech My reply is similar to @Geffers's in that they complement each other. However, if I could only have one or the other, it would have to be Real Life friends as one can't replace that real physical contact with anything else. That's really important for mental health.

The best thing about forum friends is that you can badger them 24/7. It's really convenient that one doesn't have to reply in realtime either.

 

[Hitcore]

Sometimes reaching out in a safe place can be helpful to unburden the weight you feel at times with life and the world.

It does. I hope I'm not scaring people. I do feel that I tell too much sometimes.

Writing is a lost art and forums have a way of bringing people together

That is true. I've always liked this about forums. It's basically slow chat. If I feel like talking, I talk. And if I decide to take a break then no one minds. I like the lack of obligation here. That's why I fare better here than in real life situations, where one is often expected to participate. That doesn't work on me. I tend to shut myself off even more then.

Glad you found the Nerdzone community.

Glad to have found you good people. Thank you, @Tiffany

 

[AllThingsTech]

@AllThingsTech My reply is similar to @Geffers's in that they complement each other. However, if I could only have one or the other, it would have to be Real Life friends as one can't replace that real physical contact with anything else. That's really important for mental health.

The best thing about forum friends is that you can badger them 24/7. It's really convenient that one doesn't have to reply in realtime either.

@Retro how do you personally distinguish between friends and acquaintances? The lines tend to get really blurred for me, and especially on a forum, where not everyone feel comfortable revealing personal info on themselves!

 

[AllThingsTech]

@Hitcore you aren’t scaring us! @Retro gets paranoid ( not invalidating you dw, but paranoid for my thought process, but you’re wise to be safer than sorry ) about the ability of fraudsters to hunt us down on the internet and take advantage if the personal info we post. It’s just not something i think about too much, but of course i’m not gonna post my real name or home address or anything!!!

 

[Retro]

@AllThingsTech Firstly, I'm not paranoid, in any context.

There's such a thing as the jigsaw puzzle effect where one can eventually be personally identified by collecting lots of disparate facts about them, no matter how innocuous they are by themselves, hence it pays to try and not be too specific about things. This is significant enough that on a recent cybersecurity course at work, they explained this very point.

To be honest, to avoid this happening altogether on a forum, one shouldn't post in the public areas at all... that of course would destroy any forum and the benefit that it brings (assuming it's a good one, of course) to talking and socialising online with other people though. Again, it's all a matter of degree and balance, since one doesn't see people en-masse targeted by bad actors who have discovered personal identities, but still, it pays to be cautious about not giving away too much specific information, if possible. It's a glorious grey area, lol.

 

[AllThingsTech]

@Retro no need to justify your own boundaries, but yes I understand what you’re saying I just don’t tend to overthink things i guess

@Retro how do you personally distinguish between friends and acquaintances? The lines tend to get really blurred for me, and especially on a forum, where not everyone feel comfortable revealing personal info on themselves!

Not sure if you saw this @Retro but am curious about your views on this and other ppl’s too

 

[Retro]

Some questions I’m not up for answering and that’s one of them.

 

[Retro]

@Retro no need to justify your own boundaries, but yes I understand what you’re saying I just don’t tend to overthink things i guess

I'm not justifying anything, I'm telling you not to call me paranoid. I think you actually overthink things quite a lot and are quite nosey about others. Please tone that down a bit.

 

[Tiffany]

That is true. I've always liked this about forums. It's basically slow chat.


Glad to have found you good people. Thank you, @Tiffany

You're welcome and thank you for taking a leap of faith on this wonderful community.

I like the term "slow chat" for forums, it fits.