Shitlawns: the tyranny of fake grass

Retro

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I was all-in for evergeen "maintenance free" fake grass until I read this article. It's actually an abomination that's spreading across the country, truly worthy of the Twitter protest account, Shitlawns.

With a huge loss of biodiversity, they create lifeless gardens that aren't even maintenance free. Oh and in summer, they're furnaces so you can't even sit out in the garden!

Don't do it, kids. Have a proper garden with real grass, instead.

Artificial “lawns” turn out to be high maintenance after all. They need to be watered to cool them down. They need special cleaning products to get rid of smells and stains. You even have to vacuum them to get rid of leaves.

Last week, Sir James Bevan, chief executive of the Environment Agency, invoked Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring and warned of the catastrophe facing Britain’s wildlife.

The biodiversity crisis, he said, “poses just as great an existential risk to humanity as climate change”, and called for nature-based solutions to reverse shocking declines in wildlife.


Fake grass.jpg


 

Tiffany

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I immediately thought of bacteria when I saw your post. :eek: There's nothing better for the eco system than real grass. Nature takes care of what it needs to naturally.
 

Arantor

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So fun fact: the grass will keep a pocket of air around it - around the blades of grass. In real grass this is actually convenient, helps the plant manage its heating (and overheating is managed through convecting the heat through the moisture in the leaves).

But this stuff has the same sorts of properties as dried vegetation in that it can’t disperse the heat because no moisture, but instead has a propensity to melt because it’s plastic…
 

Arantor

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That I can’t speak to, I have no sense of smell (even pre covid). But I get hay fever so tend to avoid ”nature” where possible.
 

Arantor

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I live in a flat, I have no garden to put shitlawn in ;)

It’s one of the perks of living in central Brighton, theres enough green to not feel like I’m living in a concrete hellscape but the sea air improved my hay fever immeasurably from the suburban concrete hellscape I grew up in.
 

Arantor

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Right, I'm gonna buy you a small patch of it to enjoy on your windowsill in all its evergreen nastiness muhaha!!! :ROFLMAO:
I literally live in a basement. Most of the windows I have are small and look out to another wall a few feet away. The largest window I have is in the living room which also looks out to a wall, and the garden beyond is upstairs's.
 

Retro

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That sounds perfect then: the perfect statement of its imperfection.
 

Arantor

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Not even kidding about looking out to a wall. The view from my sofa:

D71DC424-BC3D-4184-95B5-F3D4BAA03689.jpeg
 

STIJL

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In Palm Springs, CA where I’m located artificial grass is very popular, being in the desert growing real grass painfully difficult and a huge water waster. I personally don’t like the heat faux grass attracts and filth from dog pee and poop that tends to leave a permanent odor if not addressed quickly.
 

Retro

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In Palm Springs, CA where I’m located artificial grass is very popular, being in the desert growing real grass painfully difficult and a huge water waster. I personally don’t like the heat faux grass attracts and filth from dog pee and poop that tends to leave a permanent odor if not addressed quickly.
Oh boy, I'm sure that's revolting for the look and smell.

Artificial grass is one of those things that looks great when brand new and pristine. Once it degrades in any way, including simply being dirty, it's the worst.
 
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